Why Hate Goodbyes?

Unlike Jim Carey's character in Dumb & Dumber, not all of us can have such emotional heartfelt goodbyes like Lloyd's. I find myself fumbling between saying the proper farewell, "have a safe flight" or "let's keep in touch" or "I had such a great time", and giving a huge ridiculous awkwardly-long hug like Lloyd does below. When the time for farewell comes about, it just doesn't seem to adequately sum up a relationship. After we part I think, "Oh I should have said this," or "that was really awkward," and sometimes, "Why didn't I kiss him?" Whether the goodbye is via Skype or in person, I'm never really satisfied.

Yet maybe that goodbye moment is not as important as we think. We don't need to weigh these moments as much because we never really leave someone after quality time spent with the companion. My good friend Anne has pictures of me on her wall in Berlin, Brian has my D.C. postcard on his wall; I'm spread across the world. I leave impressions on people that will stay forever, and visa versa. I find myself imitating expressions of my senior year roommate Megan. I have recycled dance moves from around the world, from the Costa Ricans I met in Madrid to my crazy college friends in Berkeley. I retell jokes my friend Ever told me over beers the summer in D.C. Songs and places recall memories; those memories can't be quit when they are evoked by something familiar. There's a lot happening in between the hello and goodbye that can have a lasting impression. Morbidly related yet completely fitting, here's a poem-for-thought:

The Dash Between by Ron Tramner

I stood there near the headstone

of one I loved, and cried.

Beneath his name was there engraved,

date of birth - and date he died.

The thought came quickly to my mind,

these years leave much unseen.

Far more meaningful to me

is the dash - which lies between.

The years within that little dash

live on in memory,

and represent the precious life

of one who’s dear to me.

In time I too shall pass away

and in the ground I’ll lie.

Will those I love and leave behind

stand at my grave and cry?

Our life here upon the earth

can end in but a flash.

Are we wisely using

the time within our dash?

Do we look for opportunities

to do a kindly deed,

and show love and understanding

to those who are in need?

For if our hearts are full of love

throughout the time we’re here,

we’ll be loved by all who knew us,

and our memory they’ll hold dear.

And there upon our headstone,

shining ever bright and bold,

that little dash between our years

will be a dash of gold.

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