Peace in the...Peace?

Courtesy of Creative Commons 

In big crowds, for instance at a music festival or marathon race, I can find peace by being an observer amongst a million others. With so much going on, so much to absorb and take in, I can comfortably be very silent and just look around if I please. Comparatively, when I am alone, I start to hear the beat of my own drum. Thoughts can grow and even develop into a hectic music festival inside and the more I think, the louder it gets. With the compounding thoughts, the more anxious I start to feel.

I have a lot of peace living back at home. I live very comfortably here. I don't have to start paying rent for another three months, my meals are provided, and I keep peace by doing dishes and other household chores to make Mama Bear happy. I'm over the stage of fighting with my brothers and sister, and I love going on runs with my dad. I have my own room, my own desk, and a window to open and listen to the rain fall outside on this quiet Saturday night. I am living in a peaceful environment indeed.

Inside of me, do I have peace? I get anxious when I don't have plans, when I don't hear back from the job or the boy, when I start trying to plan so much. I overwhelm myself inside, before I step back and decide not to fret but to trust in a divine plan. Then I reconcile with the gift this time at home really is. When again will all 5 of my family members and I be living under the same roof with such peace? I doubt this will last forever. As for now, I move north, south, east, and west with polar feelings, but I try to come back to earth and center myself so that I can enjoy this peace in the peace. I'm sure a storm is just over the hill.